Yes, of course.
I intentionally and unintentionally observe my moves, with a perspective that is different than I adopt while I am performing those actions. This has been a great dilemma for me. I know I cannot explain myself right now and probably what I say does not make sense or does not indicate what I feel, but let me try.
You know, people say that you live as many lives as the number of books you read. Books and movies. I feel like a part of me is watching and judging my life just as I watch a movie. But I am not talking about some psychological disorder that makes me feel out of myself, or that makes me feel I don’t belong to this body. No, I am over integrated with it. In every action I do, every thought I have, I have a mental image of myself with a suitable expression; almost always. This is probably true for everyone, though. Sometimes I feel like that other part of me realizes this is his life and no movie, I cannot understand if he gets terrified or excited by this situation.
Another aspect is honesty. This is quite a big dilemma for me. I didn’t talk about this “seriously” for anyone. A part of me always watches my actions, always judges it, always considers the outcomes, and always provides me an outer perspective over myself (though it is just an illusion because I cannot create another perspective within me). This is not a problem for me in most ways. But, sometimes I am afraid that this situation will make my actions dishonest. Why? Because I sometimes imagine the outcomes so lively or consider the “outer perspective” too much that I feel like my action are shaped by the desire of satisfying it. Think about it, think about the main character of a thrilling book you’ve read. Assume that you are a part of the main character’s and just observing and simulating his life. He knows what is going to happen (actually, dreams about what is going to happen using your eyes who are reading the book). Wouldn’t his moves, actions be dishonest? I think it would.
Another thing, I have completely different characters in different situations. It is almost scary, but I won’t get into details with this one.
I watch myself doing my unusual habits like rituals, I watch myself as I shift through characters as I pass from the front door of the house. I watch myself when I do something that I wouldn’t want others to know. I watch myself as I waste my precious life, it is really stupid to see all the potential but to do nothing about it because of sole laziness.
I observe myself as I live. Of course, I know myself.